Your Guide To: The Tea Party

Back…Again……Yay?…So this is about as random as blog entries come, but it seems like something important to be discussed, otherwise when you’re at a tea party, people will be in disgust. This shall come in 5 segments: Attire, Language, Food/Beverage, Ambiance, and Guest Lists.

First on the list; Attire. When attending a tea party, outfit choice is crucial. Wearing something like jeans, a skimpy skirt, shorts, flip-flops, items exposing your “midriff” (heh. midriff…), or anything else that the Queen of England or your grandmother would disapprove of is inappropriate. Tea parties require elegance. Flowered dresses, pearls, large hats, white gloves, polka dots, and heels do wonders… that is, unless you’re a guy and in that case, you’d look awkward. So if you are a guy attending a tea party,  “slacks”, nice shoes, and a collared shirt or sweater will probably do just fine. Tea parties tend to be ladies only gatherings, but if you are a guy attending a tea party, take notes.

Next up… Language. If you’re going to dine like the Queen of England, you must talk like the Queen of England! In other words, put on your most darling British accents! Use some cheerios here, some toodle-loos there, throw in some lovelies and tralala, you have yourself talking like British royalty (or just Mary Poppins, but anywho…). On a similar topic, there are some more rules for tea party conversation. You must know that if you ever drop obscenities like f-bombs, or say anything sounding like a rap lyric… well just don’t.

Next up would be food and beverage…. Without food and beverage, a tea party would just be a party, but really, who has ever been to a party that didn’t serve food?  Therefore, food and beverage at a tea party are of utmost importance. Do eat: Finger sandwiches (make sure there is no crust and that they are about 1/4 the size of normal sandwiches… shape-y cut outs are cute and decorative, and triangular cuts have been proven to be the tastiest). Make sure to have many of the following: biscuits (cookies), muffins, scones, jams, fine chocolates, salads, fruit, cheese and crackers, tea cakes, and obviously tea (hot or cold, make sure fixings (ie: cream, sugar, honey) are provided.) I believe that’s all.   Do not eat: Anything you would ever associate with a barbeque or McDonald’s, alcoholic beverages, soda, … and probably not ice cream because it is melty.

Yum! Anyways, next up, Ambiance! Tea Parties were meant to be held in fine places, such as dining rooms. Half furnished cellars and garages shouldn’t cut it. If music is to be played, it should be classical, light, and of low volume so conversation can flow easily.

Last but not least,  a guest list! … When throwing your own tea party, you must understand who your guests are before inviting them. 5 to 8 relatively mild lady (or gentlemen) friends are the perfect group for such a gathering with china cups and ‘gourmet’ food. Football players tend to have bad connotations associated with them (… you could end up with a ‘keg party’… whatever that really even means….), as well as people who cannot sit still for more than 1.5 hours, and last but not least, do not invite people who you would not like to sit still with for more that 1.5 hours. Yes. Oh and probably don’t invite like a parakeet or alpaca as cool as that may sound. You’d probably just get the whole place trampled….

                                                                          

Anyways. That is all I have to say about that. Toodle loo for now!

PS: As usual, sorry if I wasted your time. Maybe I subliminally converted you to being a tea partier… because we all know that is where partying is really at these days.

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